It’s been 6 months since I’ve moved out of the house and into my apartment. And to be perfectly honest, the adjustment has been difficult. The biggest mistake I made was getting off my antidepressants. I knew I couldn’t afford to stay on any long term medication, let alone doctor’s visits, so I got off of everything last summer. Since I won’t have health insurance, it was more of a practical choice. However, waking up several times a night between 3-6am in full panic mode hasn’t been exactly fun. Desperate for a full night’s sleep, I dosed myself with some children’s benadryl last night, only to find myself awake at 3 am, yet again.
I was originally put on Zoloft several years ago by my neurologist for my migraines. He was set on regulating my sleep pattern and felt it was a crucial factor in my chronic migraines. His theory was that Zoloft stopped the “gerbil on the wheel” effect. Many women suffer from this medical condition of “gerbil on the wheel”, where their brain continues to run and turn over things to do, should the nonfat cool whip be purchased instead of the full fat version, is it wrong to want destroy the neighbor’s load of laundry, one article of clothing at a time when they’ve left it in the dryer for over a week? You know, real world changing topics. Well, the Zoloft definitely took care of that gerbil for me. In fact, the Zoloft stabbed that gerbil repeatedly until he quit twitching on his damn wheel.
Now that my gerbil has returned with a vengeance, he sprints on his goddam wheel nonstop. I catch myself running numbers in my head, which is probably the worst possible thing for me to do, considering I am the one Asian who shames the United Nation of Yellows with my lack of mathleticism.
How have my migraines been, you ask? Surprisingly, better than 2 years ago. I still get them 4-5 times a month, but a huge improvement to everyfrigginday. I think the reason the number has remained so low is the lack of pain intervention I use. I try to just truck along, with the occasional tylenol or hot bath in the dark. Lots of hot baths in the dark. That way, I don’t have to catch a glimpse of my fat ass in the mirror and gives the gerbil less power to run on.